“I hope to fall fatally ill”

As a child

I prayed

I wished

I obsessed

That such a terrible misfortune

would fall upon me.

I want to see how many people

truly cared for me

I just want to be seen

I just wanted people to notice me

Even if it was for the wrong reasons

I wanted people to reach out to me,

Check in on me.

I suppose this,

Just for what it is,

made me absolutely sick,

because a person

should not

desire to fall ill.